It Goes On
by GoldieLocks4789
Summary: Bella decides to slowly gets a grip after the Cullen's leave. Sam and the pack adopt her and she learns who she is and how to be an adult, the two people who are really imperative in this are Sam and Paul. Find out how a good girl who is semi-depressed gets out of her funk due to an asshole that is incapable of showing emotion. BxP
1. Chapter 1

Robert Frost has this great quote: In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on.

I was never really into American literature and poetry, basically a British girl by heart living in this weird ass American world. I had heroines not hero's, Bronte, Austin, Huxley, Rowling; those were the ladies that resonated with me the most. Women who dealt with adversity to follow their dream, who were pushed around by men and came out stronger; well perhaps not stronger, but they did write books.

So Robert Frost was not a woman, was not British, and wrote poetry instead on novels. How is it he could understand how I feel in a time where I don't even know how to feel?

Could it be possible men feel things too? Can get hurts as we women do? Or am I correct in assuming that men are heartless assholes? Or do I spend way too much time thinking and need to take a break from the time suck that is over analyzing?

Well regardless of how I feel or how men feel this story is for you reader. He always told me I should write a book so here I am.

Hello my name is Bella Swan, and I like so many have had my heart broken and so this is my story.

WAIT, don't get too excited yet, I have some sage words of wisdom and warnings here before we delve into the thick of it.

*This my life and my story and I take liberties and exaggerate and am honest and also lie, so please don't judge my actions too harshly because only I Bella Swan know what is fact and what is fiction.

*This a love story, but its not the one you may want.

*Everything is better with friends

*Remember stories are here to teach us lessons so we don't have to learn them the hard way

*Men are dicks

*OK men aren't all dicks but they do all have one so that fun

*Supernatural: great TV show, supernatural men: fucking sexy

*Vampires are real-ish, I mean they exists in this world but they have weird voodoo shit they can do so be careful around them

*Werewolves are not puppies.

*Don't guard your heart to carefully.

Ok wisdom time over, well maybe not quite; remember our lives are compiled with stories and these stories often take place at the same time. I am going to tell you one story and this story begins almost directly after the one you think you know.

* * *

Once upon a time there was a beautiful rain ridden land of Forks because who doesn't want to live in a place named after a utensil. In this beautiful land lived a sad sad girl and she – ok let's cut the bullshit kids those two sentences were for the children now on to the real story.

Bella Swan was not so much sad as she was lonely, her boyfriend-gone, her best friend-gone, some people she thought were her surrogate parents-gone. Lying on her bed looking at her plain originally off white but now it was really more of a gross yellow roof, Bella contemplated (like she always did) where the fuck she went wrong. Sure she was clumsy, dangerously average looking, kind of smart but not too smart it was off putting; why is it the people, well vampires, felt the need to leave her?

If only Sam would leave her alone, like seriously everyday since he found her dying in the woods he's come over here to make sure she hasn't offed herself. Isn't he supposed to be engaged?

Ok to be honest Bella did not hate Sam's visits because he didn't treat her like she was broken or a zombie or needed to be fixed. Bella thought that Sam must know what it is like to be lonely. But she needed to stop acting like this, would Elizabeth Bennet sit in bed and wallow for weeks? No she had rich and single men of a marrying age to find and insult. When Sam came over today Bella would be ready, out of bed, dressed, maybe even showered, and when he asked if she wanted to come down to La Push today she would go with him, provided he wasn't a terrifying driver.

Bella hopped out of bed, looking out the window she saw that it was raining, so you know just another beautiful day in Forks. Deciding to forgo the shower, hey now don't get all judgmental she showered yesterday so this is a perfectly acceptable decision. Bella went to her closet, on one of his visits Sam helped her purge herself of anything that would make her sad, well sadder, a lot of which was clothes that Alice (the two faced whore) gave her, some was CD's that reminded her of Edward, but Sam insisted she put some things like pictures, jewelry, her blue sweater that her mom gave her but that Edward had like into an ex boyfriend box that he would hold on to until she was ready. Now the problem with the clothing purge was that she was left with very little to wear, that and because she wasn't really eating a whole lot and Sam also made her exercise out her anger and overwhelming sadness instead of crying or going into a panic, she didn't have a lot that fit her. Jeans were out, its raining if she spent three seconds outside they'd be drenched and uncomfortable not to mention too big, Bella didn't care that much about clothes but saggy ass in jeans was just wrong.

Eventually she chose yoga pants, flip flops and a plain black zip up over a black tank top. The whole look was I'm comfy but I'm not trying too hard to look cute. Deciding that braiding her hair would take way more effort than she was willing to put in she brushed it and simply hoped for the best because honestly what else is there to do.

Perhaps she should go to him instead of waiting for him to come to her, but that was a shit idea for a couple reasons, first of all she had no idea where he lived and second Charlie took her truck to Canada today to go fishing with Billy and Harry, and like she was going to drive the cruiser.

In a spur of boredom Bella grabbed a load of laundry, sorted and threw it in the washing machine. God this silence was deafening, how is it no noise could suffocate a person. Bella was about to actually turn on music when Sam walked through the front door.

"Bella, how's it hanging?" his voice rumbled through the house. Bella didn't know why but something about him just sort of made you do what he wanted and respond to him. It was strange.

"Well Sam I'm not hanging so it's not too bad." Bella gave her usual response to his question. It was a little morbid but there was some humor in there and that was better than just sitting in bed staring at him, which is how she first responded.

"Glad to hear it Bells, so what's on the agenda today?" He asked flopping on the couch as she walked in to the living room.

"Well I don't have anything really planned, what are you doing today?" She hedged, hoping for the invite she knew was coming.

"Well kid I worked cause that's what responsible people do, and I am having the boys over for a game night, Emily's idea of course." He smiled when he said her name, Bella wondered if she was like that when she had been with Edward.

"Oh that sounds fun" Bella said, a little sad he didn't initially include her in there, one can only be rejected so many times she guessed.

"Yeah it should be, beers, barbeque, watching Jared get pissed because I cheat at monopoly. You know what would make it even better though?"

"What?"

"If you came and brought the cookies you made yesterday. Emily is insisting I bring you around, she thinks that I've made you up." He laughed as Bella's face lit up.

"Sure I can go, can't have Emily thinking you're crazy or anything" Bella tried and failed at pretending to be nonchalant, her true give away was jumping up to grab the cookies.

"Wow someone is excited, I'm not going to lie Bells I didn't think you'd be interested in coming out today, Em and the guys are going to be so stoked!" Sam said as he stood up. "Lets roll"

**Hey person who read this! **

***Skip this if you want it won't hurt my feelings*******

**First of all thanks for your time I really do appreciate it. So here is the deal, I am a 20-year-old business student who shouldn't have sold out and should have gone to Oxford to study English like the plan originally was. My specialty is really essays and analytical writing so this story is my challenge to myself. I have always loves creative writing but I never felt I was good at it so I like so many go to seek the validation of strangers on the internet. My author's notes will never be this long again! But I have some things to say, REVIEWS I love them but I am not going to be that person who tells you to review so I'll update. CHAPTERS my goal is to write 3,000-10,000 words a chapter with this one being an obvious exception. I will try and update every one-two weeks but please be kind to me in I lapse on that I do work two jobs and am taking a summer course and am trying to beat **_**Legend of Zelda Wind Waker**_** while trying to have a life. Honestly guys though any advice would be awesome and if someone wants beta me that would be cool. I will finish this story; it is my goal to actually finish some piece of creative writing. **

**Ok so once again thanks so much for actually reading this and I hope to see you soon, well I wont see you and you wont see me but we can read each others words :D**

**- Ty**


	2. Chapter 2

The drive to Sam's house wasn't so much a ride filled with inane awkward silence, as much as it was a ride filled with terribly uncomfortable attempts at conversation; admittedly with 100 % of the effort on Sam's end and not Bella's. They had driven the 32.25 minutes to the house in the woods that Sam shared with his lovely fiancé who Bella had heard numerous stories of; ah yes the tales of Emily's perfection were never far from Sam's lips and therefore never far from Bella's ears.

Bella couldn't help but think that Sam's house would have been the perfect place for a really good serial killer to live; it was close enough to La Push so people wouldn't really suspect anything out of the norm, yet far enough away from anyone so that no one could hear the screams. Also it had this aura of casual perfection that often comes from someone either being an eclectic perfectionist or a psychotic sociopath. Sometimes both.

Not that Bella thought Sam killed people; he did save her and all the good mushy shit that if Bella were the type to dwell on such things anymore, she probably would have. But don't think she is an empty callous person who belongs on reality TV; she isn't empty as much as she is lacking, lacking in genuine emotion, lacking in friends, lacking in everything really. Well everything except time. As Bella sat in Sam's truck she couldn't help but marvel at how she had been so willing to live for eternity, like seriously forever! Thinking about it put her into such an existential state that it made her question herself, not what she was worth but what was time worth. Is infinity worth it if all things were inevitably to come to an end and would she really want to see the ending of all time? Fuck the fact that she was 18 just graduated from high school and had everyone and their mother telling her she had her whole life ahead of her which scared her enough as it is; imagine having forever ahead of you. That would fucking suck! And what about those people who are dying right now at 14, or 18 or 45; people who could actually do something with this fucked up world but can't because of circumstance? What had Bella done to earn the right to live or even to choose the right to live for forever? Looking back living forever and being a vampire was more about living on borrowed time than those with cancer whose the doctors say that same phrase to. God the egocentric worldviews of those fucking monst-

"Bella? You okay in there?" Sam's voice cut off her mental rant, he was looking at her with his signature blend of humor and worry. "We're here you know, what were you thinking about backing out? It isn't going to be that bad I promise!"

Bella wondered why he was making such an effort to her when she didn't make any effort towards him. Maybe she was just a bitch, wouldn't that be neat, she'd never been a flat out bitch before. It didn't seem right though, maybe she should just put a pin in being a bitch for now and try being present, like you know in the moment and out of her thoughts. Note to self: think less. HA as if.

"Ya, no Sam don't worry I'm all good, lets go meet people!" Bella put on what she hoped was a real smile and got out of his truck. Side bar: continuing the thought that Sam might be a serial killer, his truck had a tool box that could fit a decent sized body and the tools needed for murder, it was a very practical choice on his part.

"What's so funny?" Sam asked as they were walking up to his house.

"Oh you know just wondering if you are a serial killer and brought me here to violently maim and murder me." Bella said it as matter-of-factly as she could before breaking out an actual authentic smile.

"There always is that possibility isn't there? Well today you have nothing to fear Isabella Swan, because today there are far too many witnesses." Sam held out the door for her and she began to hear what would go down in history as the most ridiculous argument in the world.

"Birds! You think birds would win? Are you out of your fucking mind Jared?" A familiar voice bellowed towards where Bella and Sam stood in the doorway. On the couch was a tall guy dressed in jeans, a tees shirt and sunglasses sleeping or more likely trying to sleep; because in the kitchen was a small female taking something out of the oven ignoring the two other giant dudes who were arguing at her kitchen table.

"Birds make more sense than fish dumbass" the one on the left who she could only assume was Jared yelled equally loudly.

"Yes fish, have you seen those creepy fuckers? If all the fish fought all the birds you just know the fish would win, its fucking obvious. They could drown the birds!"

"Jared, Embry is right, the fish have sharks and killer whales done and done. Now please can we talk about something else?" the petite women by the stove asked while holding what appeared to be cupcakes sans icing.

"Sorry to burst your bubble Emily but sharks and whales are mammals, so they aren't a part of this argument." The sleeping guy yawn in an uninterested tone.

"Dude you don't even have sharks! How is it you think you can beat my eagles and hawks?" Jared looked far too triumphant for the argument they were having.

Embry looked like he was fishing for some sort of answer and coming up short so Bella, in deciding to be more present chose to pitch in and add her name to this historic event. "I'm with Embry on this one, cause lets face it the birds would get tired flying around and the ones who can swim above water would only get pulled down, and like Embry said drown. Now that the birds offence has taken a serious blow the fish switch tactics and let loose their dogs of war AKA the piranha, who by the way have quite the jump. Now birds are going dangerously extinct and the waters are becoming over populated with fish because let's face it fish are selfish evil little bastards so the penguins decide to finally show up. Now lets say the penguins weren't also douche bags and didn't show up late, the birds might have had a fair chance cause penguins could fight under water, but now the penguins aren't even that mad about all the fish because you know more food for them. So now the penguins are taken out by the very things they call food, and the fish win and the world now has next to know birds because birds are pussies and stay away from water to avoid extinction. Oh and just because they don't have sharks doesn't mean they don't have groupers who are the size of a Volkswagen and eat people."

Bella finished with all eyes on her, and she thought the car ride over was awkward. After a few more moments of everyone processing what she just said Embry ran up to her and gave her a massive hug. "Finally some one sane around here, Bella it is so awesome to see you again!"

"Hold on here, argument not over. How do you know the penguins would show late?" Jared took the one leg he had to stand on.

"Dude, come on they're penguins." The sleeping guy said as he sat up and took off his glasses. He had blue eyes; god is there anything sexier than a tall dark handsome guy with bright blue eyes?

"Fine! You know what fine you win." Jared pouted.

"Say it, you have to say it Jared." Embry demanded.

"Don't do this man, you won now let it go." Jared stood up to go into the living room.

"Say it Jared or you don't really mean it." Embry had a shit-eating grin on his face and an arm slung on Bella shoulders.

"Fuck you. Fine. Fish would win birds would lose. Happy?" He flopped down next to the blue-eyed guy who was shaking his head at his friends.

"Yup. Now Bells you decided to join the pack eh?" Embry guided her into the living room where the rest of the guys were while Sam went over to Emily and did couple things. Like make out.

"The pack?" Bella raised her eyebrows at Embry like he was crazy, granted he probably was, but who calls their friends a pack? "More like a pack of idiots."

The room got weirdly quiet for like a second too long before Sam suggested they get started with the fun and games and brought Bella to the kitchen to meet the beautiful Emily. And she was beautiful, like take your breath away beautiful. There are some people whose flaws make them look weird like a giant nose or ears but Emily had no flaws, she had scars but no flaws. The three scars ran down her face and collarbone in a way that didn't distract from her beauty as much as it added to it and made her look more interesting and striking because of it.

Emily smiled warmly as she pulled that last of what looked like 4 dozen cupcakes out of the oven. "Bella, it is so great to meet you. I swear you are all Sam talks about sometimes, I'd be jealous if he wasn't totally whipped."

Bella laughed to mask her surprise that Sam talked about her. What did he say? How pathetic she was, how he was wasting his time, how she is a child who needs to be taken care of? "Sam literally only talks about you too, I swear if I have to hear about how perfect you are one more time I might shoot him." Emily lovingly looked over Bella's shoulder to the living room where Sam was sitting having a beer with the other three guys. The police chiefs daughter in her was shocked at Sam giving Embry a beer when he was only 17 but the real her, or at least who she was right now simply didn't give a shit. To be honest all those boys looked alike despite their age so who the fuck was she to judge?

"So Emily…" Bella began.

"So Bella," Emily teased with a grin.

"What does game night consist of?" Bella was beginning to get curious, the games were on the coffee table but no one really seemed to have any interest in them. Baseball was on and the BlueJays were winning for a change against the Mariners so that had the guy's attention. Well most of them, the guy with the blue eyes was more interested sleeping at the moment only moving to sip his beer or respond to someone if they asked a direct question.

"Well we say we are going to play games but we usually end up doing this, I've got to tell you Bella it's a treat having another girl around. You have no idea how annoying it is being the only girl in a sea of boys." And Bella really didn't have any idea. It had been so long since she had actually sought out _human_ contact, she couldn't remember being annoyed in such a wonderful way. Fuck she needed a life.

Bella and Emily decorated the cupcakes, in the least imaginative way possible for two reasons: first both of them were wildly inartistic and second they boys were going to devour them anyways so why bother. They chatted about everything, Bella learned that Emily was 21 and worked by selling her baking to people who know her and their friends. Emily learned that Bella was an avid reader and also loved to bake, Emily even invited Bella into her little business endeavor after trying the cookies Sam made Bella bring. Things were normal and it was awesome, so of course it had to end.

* * *

The game had ended and the food was finished and ready to eat, Bella had help Emily finish the burgers and Greek salad and grabbed bowls for chips and laid out the cupcakes and cookies on the table. It was a good spread but Bella worried it would be too much for six people, but then again the last family meal she had had other than with Charlie had been with vampires, so you know the portions were a little different.

Charlie and Carlisle both always said grace before their meals; this was not the tradition in the Uley residence seeing as the Quileute worshiped their own gods. They dug into the food and Bella was formally introduced to the guys. There was Sam-obviously and to his right Embry-Jake's old friend, then there was Jared the fool who had believed in birds, and finally Paul AKA blue eyed guy. Paul was sitting next to Bella keeping a cautious space between the two of them, as if he was trying really hard not to touch her. He didn't look at her and didn't talk to her, probably decided she wasn't worth his time; it's not like he was wrong to think that too.

The table had been discussing summer and all the days they planned to spend on the beach, and how Bella just had to come cliff diving with them, and all the bon fires they were going to have and how Jared was going to take up surfing. It was all so normal, too normal, like something that was usually discussed wasn't because she was there. It makes it hard to feel welcome when people are trying to hard and also not trying hard enough.

"So you got dumped." It was the first words Paul had ever spoken to Bella, and honestly he may as well have slapped her.

A chorus of shocked "Paul's" and one "Dude" echoed through the room; Paul paid no attention to them though. Only to her, it made her long for the moments before when he just ignored her request to pass the pickles.

"I asked you a question Blondie." He said to her voice completely unattached "she's pretty rude Sam, don't know what all the hype was about." Paul went back to his food.

"Blondie?" Bella was too confused to even feel hurt. She had brown hair the colour of mud as some toddler had so observantly pointed out two years ago.

"Oh so you can hear me when I say things, good to know." There was something so unnerving and aggravating about it tone. Bella had never met such an abrasive person, and she had been tracked by James.

"Why the fuck would you call me Blondie?" Bella asked, still confused by him. "It doesn't even make sense."

"Well Blondie that's for me to know and you not to find out. Sam I'm out of here, you know where I'll be." Paul said getting up from the table and depositing his plate in the sink. He walked out of the back door with out a look back, though Bella was sure he probably felt their stares after him, well her stare the rest of them acted like this was normal. And who knows maybe it was.

The rest of the table didn't speak for the rest of the meal, it was horrible; Bella was wrecked with guilt for ruining everyone's evening. Ok it wasn't all her fault, so lets put the blame at 70-30 after all she had only just sat there and questioned his naming choice. By the way how rude was Paul? Not because he had insulted her, people are initialed to their opinions but who leaves on game night to go to a bar? At least that's where Bella assumed he was heading.

"So sorry about that Bella, he is the biggest asshole." Emily said while Sam appeared to be calming down. Emily and her had retired to the kitchen to do what little tidying up there was from the meal.

"No don't worry about it its fine, to be honest I probably should get used to that. I have left a lot of people hanging since I moved here, a lot more than I'd probably like to admit." Bella closed her eyes half in shame and half because the sun had come out and was directly in her eyes, as she turned away from the window Emily spoke up.

"Bella it wasn't your fault, you do know that right?"

"Emily how could it not be my fault? They left me, I wasn't good enough, and I was too weak for them. Like yes they are a giant pile of flaming dicks but I'm still at fault here. And Paul you are his friends and I'm the reason he left too."

Emily shook her head, clearly being one of those blessed souls who understood a lost cause when she saw one. Sam called them into the living room, and said quite possibly the worst opening line ever. "Bella it may not have been Paul's fault what happened tonight."

"What?" She was stunned; she had allotted him 70% of the blame for tonight.

"Well kid there are some things you may need to know that I haven't been telling you." Bella wondered if Sam was being the vaguest person in the world on purpose.

"Sam, is this you coming out of the closet?" Embry and Jared both bit out laughs at that one. Maybe in her quest to finding herself, or whatever she was doing these days, she should try being the funny one. Was that funny or bitchy? As previously mentioned, bitchy could be fun.

"Shut up Bells I'm trying to be serious here," his annoyance would have been more convincing if he hadn't been smiling at her. "There are some things I know you know and some things you seriously have no clue on and that I feel we should clue you in on." Sam got up and went to the kitchen and grabbed a round of beer for everyone including Bella. "You may need that."

"Sam seriously though what the fuck is this all about?" Sam sat across from her staring like he was trying to figure her out.

"Fuck Sam this is taking forever, Vampires Bella we know about the fucking vampires." Jared blurted out.

"What do you mean you know about the Vampires." Did they realize how dangerous knowing is, although is ignorance really bliss?

"We know about the undead sparkly bastards that walk around like they are fucking human and we know you dated one of them." Jared was still apparently the spokesperson for team not vampires.

"Jared shut up now. Bella I had hoped to broach this more delicately but I guess that's not fucking happening anymore. We know about them and you're not an idiot so you obviously do too so can we cut the shit and move on." Everyone said sure except for Emily who just watched her drink listening.

"How?" That was all Bella could really think to say, like how did they find out and they were obviously against them and how would they treat her knowing that she had openly and willingly associated with them. And how did any of this explain Paul being a douche.

"Well Bella this is where it gets a little harder to explain, see we are something you might call a werewolf." Sam paused for it to sink in, or dramatic effect.

"Werewolves. Awesome, wait you aren't going to turn me into one are you cause no offense I don't want a tail." Bella tried to make light of the situation but all she could really think was what do they want with her? And when they were done would they leave too?

"The tail isn't actually that bad, it's the fleas that are the real problem." Embry stated like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Walk, I am going to go for a walk and think and process and I am going to go do it alone." Bella stood up and walked out before anyone had time to protest.

**Hey people who read authors notes! **

**First things first a not so secret shout out to the first follower of this story hawiiangrl! Seriously guys I thought no one was going to read this other than maybe my mother if she hacked my email again. So I really feel the love. I hope you all enjoyed this segment of my crazy and had a bit of a laugh, please know I do swear and make fun of things in what is often a cynical way and that I have absolutely no intention of insulting anyone. **

**One thing I forgot to mention in the last chapter, I obviously don't own twilight (story or time of day) and I don't own any rights to any of the quotes I use in this story. I personally hate reading disclaimers so this my dears is a blanket one. Also on the topic of my last chapter, there were some technical difficulties converting the doc on FF so I reposted it in hopes it doesn't cut out words anymore. Also um dudes 2 updates in two days! Feel spoiled.**

**Ok I'll let you get back to your lives now.**** I won't see you and you won't see me but we can read each other's words! ****Thanks again for your time **

**-Ty (Not short for thank you but actually my name)**

**PS. So much for short authors notes eh? **


	3. Chapter 3

Bella followed the path from Sam's house to the beach, it was bumpy and wet and flip-flops are really not good wilderness wear but she trudged on. As Frost wrote: _The best way out is through_. Bella couldn't help but marvel at how poets just understood people in the least obvious way imaginable, like novelist obviously understood people because their job was to create them in a sense but poets said something completely different and possibly more profound about the human condition.

What even was it to be human, with all these supernatural beings around her, Bella wondered. Robert Browning (an English playwright/poet) had said: _Love, hope, fear, faith- these make humanity; these are its sign and note and character. _If that is what makes a human than all the creatures Bella had come across were undoubtedly human. But how could that be, maybe Browning had it wrong; maybe she was too discombobulated to really think about this clearly.

She had arrived at what she could only assume was Second Beach as there were no tourists there. She took off her hoodie to mark the path so she didn't get hopelessly lost in the woods. Again. The sun glittered of the ocean and Lord knows how long the sun will be out so Bella sat and watched the sea thinking of yet another quote,_ The Sea, once cast its spell holds one in its net of wonder forever. _This quote made her think of two things, first that she really needed to get a life, and second that she could Cousteau's point. The ocean was something that seemed endless; that everyone thought they knew cause they could see the surface yet had no idea what they were truly looking at. Bella loved the ocean here better than in Florida because here it seemed honest, even today on what seems like a calm day the water was that dark grey-blue that never ceased in movement and never gave out its secret. You rarely tempted this water because you know that it has the power to holds its spell on you. The ocean in Florida was like a lie because even though you could see to the bottom it wasn't the vast majority of what the ocean was about, it seemed so harmless. And Bella was done being tricked by seemingly harmless dangerous things.

She could have stayed under the sea's spell for days only she had real problems to deal with that were a little more pressing than the metaphorical resonance of the ocean in her life.

Werewolves, it kind of made sense. How Sam had found her, how the boys all looked alike, why they called themselves a pack, and Emily's face. Oh god Emily's face! Had Sam done that? He didn't seem like the type who was capable of such a thing. And from what she could tell Emily didn't seem like the type to stay with a guy who could do that to their girlfriend. Maybe it had been a bear like everyone thought, but for some reason Bella seriously doubted that.

Crazier things had happened though and crazier things had happened to her, from the debacle with James to the relationship she had with the Cullen's. There was just one thing that didn't make sense. Why her? Lately on a good day she was miserable to be around, why is it all this supernatural shit fell on her?

Was she the type to believe in destiny, a greater power that ruled over what the world did? And if so what was the point to all of this. Bella sat a while longer thinking about what her destiny might be. She had literally no plans and honestly being out of control would be nice, but she wasn't sure that's how it would work.

Maybe to know her destiny she first had to know herself. God that sounds cheesy, and how do you know yourself. She was Bella plain ol' boring Bells, what else was there to know that she didn't already know.

* * *

It had started raining again but she didn't really care, even without her hoodie it was nice to feel the cold. It reminded her of them, she had been trying so hard to hate them but it was impossible not to feel comforted by what used to comfort her. Their chill, it was like no other, literally making people's blood run cold and if standing in the rain was the closest way to feel that again she'd do it. She'd do almost anything to really feel again.

"Are you out of your goddamed mind!" A figure yelled as it ran towards her from the forest. As it got closer she saw that he had changed from earlier, no long sporting sunglasses, jeans, and a tee. Now he was in cut offs and an unzipped sweater, holding her hoodie. "You'll catch your death out her you idiotic child."

What right did he have to get mad at her, he was the one that stormed out and insulted her, "Okay two thing, you don't actually get sick from being in the rain when its cold. The worst you could get was maybe hypothermia but in this temperature probably not. And who the fuck are you to tell me what to do." Anger, she could feel it, and it felt fucking good.

"Who the fuck am I? I'm the one Sam sent after your pathetic ass. Okay I'm a dick and people generally don't like me but you have half the creatures in the tri-state area panting after your ass and worrying about you and you don't even give a shit. You are quite possibly the most selfish person in the world Blondie. Now put your mother fucking clothes on and go to Sam's so I can go the fuck to bed." What's worse than being yelled at when you deserve it? Having someone say words they should be yelling in Paul's unattached demeaning voice.

He just stood there, his bright blue eyes empty and cold. Just like she was.

Bella didn't really feel, except for the anger towards Paul. It appeared he also didn't feel, she at least tried to make look like she did. At what point would she inherit his level of 'not giving a shit' or would she be like this forever because that sounds exhausting.

On her way back towards Sam's house she made a decision. Not about her life or anything but about where she stands with the werewolves. She obviously felt that she should hear more, creating an informed decision opposed to the one she did make through the mess of her thoughts when watching the ocean. She decided she wasn't going to be a bitch about this and side with the vampires, because if science fiction got anything right it was probably that rivalry between vampires and werewolves and not any of the defenses you can take against the supernatural which lets face it would have been super helpful. Sam had been a werewolf and still helped her; Embry was the same as she remembered, Jared she could get used to, and finally Paul. Well he was something else entirely, but still one bad seed isn't enough to really sway her. After all she was her and anything dangerous she just felt more drawn to opposed to scared or repulsed.

She was following what she hoped was the right path to Sam's, the rain coming down harder now. "Fuck it" she muttered and took of her flip flops because with the mud and the going up hill she had more of a chance breaking her ankle with them on than with them off. She should have left fucking breadcrumbs or something to mark the path but had she? No. She was about to give up and stay in one spot until someone found her, like kids do at Disneyland when their parents forget them; but then a giant (and I mean GIANT) black wolf stopped in front of her. Choking back a scream she realized that this must be one of the boys because there was no way in hell that wolves grew that big. The wolf ran into the foliage of the forest before coming back as Sam.

"Why didn't Paul walk you back?" Sam demanded, worry evident in his light brown eyes.

"We don't exactly get along." Bella trailed off feeling guilty cause she had driven Paul away and made Sam and god knows who else look for her in the rain.

"Paul doesn't get along with Paul, don't sweat it kid. You're safe now, sopping wet but safe." He slung a literally steaming hot arm across her shoulder. How had she never noticed how hot they were, literally not figuratively? Maybe Paul was right, maybe she was way too self absorbed.

"I'm sorry you had to come find me in the woods again, I didn't mean to get lost. I had the beginning of the path marked with my hoodie but then it was raining and Paul yelled at me and told me to put on clothes. Well he didn't really yell at me, more like he told it to me in a way that left no option but to do what he says. Kind of like what you do only meaner. " She was rambling, she didn't know how to explain herself, didn't know if she had to.

They let the conversation die into semi comfortable silence, both knowing that there would be enough talking once they arrived back at his house. Sam's heat radiated towards her and she considered if his heat was kind of like a glamour effect. She hadn't know how 'different' he had been before so she didn't know all the 'different' things about him; but now she knew and couldn't stop knowing so she noticed things like his silent stride, how he kind of let out a growl when she had told him Paul yelled at her, and how he was warmer than the Sahara desert right now.

Bella knew there were things she needed to work on to be a better human, or even to be human because looking back on Browning's qualifications she may be less human than the supernatural's she orbited around. She was lacking in love and hope and faith, fortunately all this worrying was giving her a decent dosage of fear so that's one down and three to go. They were nearing the house now and Bella murmured "How do I become a human again?" it had been a rhetorical question for herself but Sam decided to pitch in anyways.

"Bella you are human, if I had to say you had a problem needing fixing it's that you need to feel something with something. I think that could help pull you out of this labyrinth of questions and emptiness."

He had said something, not someone. Did he mean thing as in like supernatural or did he want her to become overly attached to a blanket like a two year old? What if the past came back to haunt her, what if her nostalgia that came from remembering was what was hindering her. Maybe the 'thing' she clung onto could be the future, but wouldn't imagining the future also be a kind of nostalgia? Remembering her promise to herself to be more present she decided that is what she would do. Cling to now and let what had past be prologue. Shakespeare would have been so proud.

For the second time that day they entered Sam's house, only instead of an argument about fish and birds there was silence. Pure unadulterated silence. Something was wrong, and Bella was pretty sure it was her fault.

"Bella are you scared of us?" Embry looked timid. In the half a day they had spent together she wondered why he clung to her so. What did he need that her mere presence offered?

"No of course not! I ran with vampires remember?" and before the words had left her lips she could feel the collective growl in the room. Yup she had been right, they hate vampires.

"I have to ask you Bella, exactly how close did you run with them?" It was Emily who asked the question, her face judgment free.

"Um close enough I guess. They were like family to me." She wasn't sure how to answer this in a diplomatic way. Because of them she had been hunted and nearly killed, and abandoned in the woods; but they had taken her in and shown her how happy she could be. Everything comes are a cost she thought wearily looking at her wrist, James and Edward's silvery bite marks visible in the light of the kitchen. She pulled her sleeve down to cover it before the others noticed, Bella was sure they would have a field day knowing that she had been bitten by vampires and just didn't have the energy to deal with that.

"Can I ask why?" Emily was still doing the talking, the boys just watching and listening and looking at each other knowingly. And here Bella had thought that it was her questions that were going to be answered. Apparently not.

"Can I ask why you stayed with Sam after he did that to you?" Bella gestured to Emily's scars. It was a low blow but they had been asking her such personal questions she just had to ask her own, and honestly that was the one that weighed the most on her mind.

Emily instead of looking taken a back or hurt simply looked at Sam the way she always did, lovingly. "You aren't the first person to ask me that Bella, and nor will you be the last. As the pack grows I will hear that more and more. I stay with him because I love him, because I need him as he needs me. We have our problems and this-" she gestured to her face, "is one of them, but that doesn't mean we give up on each other. It was as much, if not more, my fault than his."

Bella could sense that was all she'd hear on the subject today due to the pained guilty expression on Sam's face. "I thought I loved them, thought they loved me." Bella couldn't make eye contact with anyone now, but Emily had been honest with her so she felt obligated to do the same. "They drew me into their world, mind body and soul. They gave me my first boyfriend, my best friend, a big brother, and loving parents all in one fell swoop. I was entranced by their way of life, not the money but the unity. They saw my weaknesses and hounded on them. Once someone had called me their pet and it wasn't until they left that I realized how true they were. But no more, I'm not some dog, no offense, which they can have me come at their beck and call any more. I refuse to be like that."

After her little speech she looked around, they all looked pleased with her response. Happy even and she felt it again, anger. Not towards the pack but towards the Cullen's, hating them had been something that she forced but anger it seemed was coming naturally and she knew it would lead her one step closer to her destiny.

* * *

**People who read authors note! **

**My dear friends, I don't do fic shout outs because frankly I'm too lazy but I have been remise in not bowing down to Unseelie Sidhe. She has no idea who I am and probably doesn't even read this but it was her fic (and a few other stories) that planted this thought in my brain and for that she is my queen, or would be if I didn't live in Canada and already technically have one. So kittens if you haven't read her **_**The Devil You Know**_** you are what Ursula would call a poor unfortunate soul and should rectify that immediately. I have been kind enough to put a link to it here s/7154262/1/The-Devil-You-Know **

** Sorry about all the time spent in Bella's head, if you guys would prefer a lot more dialogue let me know. I just find it interesting being in my version of Bella's head when Edward hadn't been able to. I also think it shows how, for a lack of a better word, unstable she is right now and that is pretty important. Also can you guys tell that I'm a little obsessed with quotes? **

**OK so I won't see you and you won't see me but we can read each others words that that just as fun…kinda!**

**-Ty**


	4. Chapter 4

Sam and Emily had offered Bella their spare room to stay the night but she wanted to be home. It was probably more of an imposition having Sam drive her home than staying there, but there's nothing quite likes your own bed after a stressful day. The car ride was silent, everything that had needed to be said was said earlier and now there was no place left to go except their thoughts. Bella would go back there tomorrow for more information on the pack, she'd have asked her questions earlier but she decided she wanted to form her thoughts clearly before broaching such a large subject.

Bella alternated from watching Sam as he drove and the green scenery blur by. She was trying to figure out what was different about him now that she knew his secret; he after all had known hers all along so she wasn't the different one. She noticed that sometimes his eyes flashed gold; it wasn't the gold that the Cullen's eyes had been. There was a distinct difference and she could almost put her finger on it. Depth, it was the depth in that gold like he was going somewhere else or was someone else for just a moment, the Cullen's eyes had been shallow like a reflection of what they wanted you to see. He also seemed bigger not that he wasn't huge before, but now she really noticed it like the heat it was impossible not to notice.

How is it she had been so blind to what was right in front of her? She had guessed that Edward had been a vampire so why hadn't she guessed that there was something different about Sam. The more she thought about all this the more she realized that Paul had been right. She was a self-centered bitch, and that was the worst kind of bitch to be. If she could have been a funny bitch or a snarky bitch that would have been fine with her but this! This was the worst. She was the worst.

"Bella," Sam words pulled her out of her thoughts. "When does Charlie get back?" it was a simple question, one she should have known the answer to. But she didn't.

"Um I don't know." She hung her head in shame, yet another classic example of her being a horrible person.

"I'll have someone pick you up tomorrow if I can't ok and then we can talk some more." Sam was way too good to her, way too good in general. She wondered if that was a virtue or a fault.

As Sam left the emptiness came back, not that it wasn't there before, but now it was almost overwhelming. It's difficult to explain being empty, she was alive and she knew it but it was like there was this void in her and every seconded she could feel herself slipping further into this emotionless state. Bella was not completely lost though. Not yet.

It was late, roughly 10 o' clock but Bella was far from tired. Too much had happened that day, she would have cleaned but the place was already spotless and the laundry done. She couldn't go anywhere without her truck and Charlie was too cheap for high-speed internet or non sport channels so she was really at a loss for what to do. She could almost hear her grandmother whispering in her ear "Only boring people get bored darling."

Fuck it; it was time to brave the Internet connection she thought for nothing else except something to do. Going up to her room she booted up her old computer; she needed something to hold on to, to help her feel again. She didn't think love would be the answer after all it was the illusion of love that had gotten her into this mess in the first place. She could look at school stuff but she didn't have any desire to go to school right now, especially with Emily inviting her to join her small baking company. And to be honest all Bella would really want to study would be English and it's not like you could get a job with an English degree, besides if she spent all the money she would have spent on university on books she would have a library that rivaled the one in Beauty and the Beast. The computer finally turned on after a couple minutes, with the money she had saved she thought she should look at getting a better computer, maybe a laptop she could bring places. Contrary to the Cullen's belief she didn't need fancy things and she wanted to earn her things not have it given to her because that way she would take care of it better. You can't take care of things that come to you too easily because you haven't earned them.

Take care of something; she could hear Paul calling her self-centered and selfish. It made her angry, she had to show him, show everyone that she could be selfless again. That could be a good start.

Don't a lot of people when they go through breakups get cats? If only she didn't hate cats. But a pet that wasn't a cat would probably work. She couldn't get a bird or a fish; those could bring up Jared and Embry's ridiculous argument again. Dog's are cute, big dogs though not little yappy ones with way too much energy.

She was pretty sure Charlie liked Dogs. He used to bring by the police dogs when she was little and visiting from her mom's house. Bella smiled at the fond memory. It didn't make her happy but it helped her remember what happy could feel like.

What kind of dog should she get; she pulled up Google and typed in Large Dog Breeds.

Great Dane was out, that was way too big.

German shepherd was put in the maybes, but would it be too cliché for the police chief to have a German shepherd?

Huskies were super cute too. Those were totally a maybe.

Golden retrievers were way too cliché.

Ew Poodles.

German shepherd or Husky? Perhaps she should sleep on it. There were breeders for both in the area who had puppies' available.

Well she had made a step in the right direction, having a dog was something that would a. take time b. give her something to cling to c. maybe make her feel something and d. make her less self centered. Bella shut off her computer after writing down the breeder's addresses and grabbed a random book from her bookshelf.

It was Mansfield Park. The title brought a quote to mind that made Bella drop the book like it was on fire. _Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. _Bella hoped that Jane Austen was wrong on this matter.

* * *

Bella woke up early the next morning and threw on a brown long sleeved sweater that had thumbholes over her leggings and white tank top; it was comfy and completely hid her vampire bites. Then she grabbed a pen and some paper from her desk and brought it downstairs to the kitchen, sitting at the table with some orange juice and an apple she made her list of things to do today.

**First:** Get her dog. A German Shepherd she had decided because frankly it was a cliché for a reason and Charlie really did love those dogs. She called the breeder that Charlie had used for work and they put a hold on a few for her.

**Second:** Talk to Emily about actually being a part of her baking and make it look like she was happy and excited to be a part of it. Because she did want to be happy and excited about it and if she couldn't feel it she could want to feel it.

**Third:** Ask her werewolf questions.

**Fourth: **Provided the werewolf questions went well then answer more vampire questions.

Bella really liked lists; they helped her not lose days. Having a plan made it so she stopped dwelling on the past. Lists also helped keep her head a little more organized. She needed to decide what to ask, she had had so many questions yesterday but the only one she could think of right now was why? Why were they Werewolves? She was sure there was a reason beyond that that was just the nature of things.

She knew doing research online wouldn't help; it hadn't with the vampire assumptions. She supposed maybe it had to do with the Quileute's in which case she could go ask Jake but that seemed like a bad idea. She hadn't spoken to Jake since the last 'family dinner' Charlie and her had had with the Blacks and Clearwater's and even then she had avoided him. He tried far too hard to make her happy, to fix her, he thought he was the fucking sun and that she should be drawn to him. But what he didn't realize was that living in Forks she had gotten used to not having a sun, she certainly didn't need one now. No she could without his puppy dog crush on her, she was going to get her own puppy, one that she chose and that she would take care of and that was hers. And Charlie's because she lived in his house and well fair was fair.

Bella heard a car pull up to her house, slipping on some flip-flops she stepped outside to see Emily in Sam's truck. Bella smiled, she was glad the other girl had been the one to come and not one of the boys. She now had an opportunity to talk to Emily without the oppressive presence of the pack.

"Bella, how are you doing today?" Emily smiled at her looking genuinely happy to see her. Bella wasn't used to that look anymore.

"I'm doing good Emily, how are you?" Bella did what she hoped was a good imitation of the other girls smile.

"Great! Sam let me use his truck for a change which was nice of him, provided that I bring you home with me." She lightly laughed at her own comment, her face lighting up and Bella couldn't help but marvel at her beauty again. Emily was so open and free, had no shame or shyness what so ever about her scars.

Emily caught Bella's stare but said nothing of it. That was one of the things Bella really liked about Emily, she didn't press you, and she understood that if you wanted to tell her something you would. It was a rare and wonderful quality. "So what are we doing today?" Bella asked.

"Well I was going to get some grocery's for an order I received this morning. Bella I've got to ask, were you serious about wanting to help with my baking? Because I don't mean to press you but I would really love the help." She looked over at Bella earnestly, and Bella reminded herself that now would be the time to be happy. So she smiled.

"I was hoping you'd mention that Em!" She said with all the excitement she could muster. "I really want to be a part of it, I stopped working at the Newton's shop and not only could use the job, but it would be nice to have a friend again."

At her words Emily's face broke out into another radiant smile, "That's fantastic, we can expand into Forks too. Charlie could help get the word out and we will be busy." Bella could see the gears turning over in Emily's mind.

"Um, Emily I have a quick stop I'd like to make before going to your house if you don't mind." Bella remembered she had to pick up her dog today.

"Of course, where are we off too?"

"Well you see I've decided to get a dog so I was going to go pick one up from the Silverstone breeders an hour from here. I called earlier this morning and they said they would give me my pick of the litter because Charlie has used them before for the K9 unit." As she spoke of her new dog one of her real smiles flashed on her face momentarily and Emily couldn't refuse her request.

"That's awesome! We'll go to Silverstone after the grocery store, you can probably pick up a collar, leash, and dog toys, and of course you'll need treats to train him- are you getting a boy? Oh I have a dog treat recipe that's popular. Bella you having a puppy is going to be so much fun!"

Everything was working out, she had a job and had a friend and was getting her dog. Today was such a change from yesterday that she almost forgot about the whole werewolf thing. Almost. She was going to bring up Emily's scars in hopes of getting more answers but they were having too much fun thinking about names. There is a period of time from when you are 10 until you have kids where you don't get to really think about naming things too seriously. Now they could and it brought out the little girls in them both.

"You should get a girl and you should name her Aurora, not only was she the best Disney princess it also is a really pretty nature thing!" Emily had been trying to convince Bella as they stood in the pet aisle looking at collars to get a girl dog. Bella wanted to get a blue collar, cause she wanted a boy for some unknown reason but completely legitimate reason.

"But I want a boy dog Emily and I'm not getting him a pink collar. Or plaid." She was trying to hold her ground, and kind of failing. In the end though Emily conceded saying it was Bella's dog not hers. Which was true. They got a black harness for while he was a puppy and a blue collar, the harness would work well for now and not hurt the little guy. Emily had commented that black worked great if it was a boy or girl and Bella just rolled her eyes good-naturedly.

They had been shocked by the dog food prices and Bella almost grabbed a bag that was 70 dollars cause it looked the healthiest, but Emily said they could probably make healthier dog food themselves and save a ton of cash so that's what they were going to do. They also got the stuff for the cupcakes and cake they needed to bake for _their _customer's baby shower; but with the excitement of the puppy the baking had been put on the back burner.

Bella had offered to pay for the gas to go the SilverStone but Emily refused saying that they wrote off gas as a business expense for Sam's company and that it took away from their taxes payments. Bella knew nothing about finances but Emily had sounded so confidant in explaining it to Bella that she didn't feel right questioning it.

The ride there had been filled with more amiable 'get to know you' chatting. Apparently Emily was a Clearwater on her mother's side and Leah had introduced Sam and her. Leah was a year and a half younger than Bella, who was three years younger than Emily, who was two years younger than Sam. Leah had always had a crush on Sam growing up, looking up to him as young girls do, because he had been around the Clearwater's house more than his own. Leah felt he was her live in boyfriend when it all actuality Sam had been escaping his abusive father. It was the same kind of puppy dog crush that Jake had on her and Leah had apparently gotten really upset when Sam and Emily got together.

Leah had thought she was introducing her favorite cousin to her own future husband, she was completely blindsided when Sam had asked Emily out, and devastated when Emily had said yes. Bella had heard this story before, but from Leah's point of view. Now Leah is a nice enough girl, but she's 16 and at that age you fall too hard and too fast. So she felt that Emily had stolen Sam from her. Even though Bella was only like a year older than her, she felt that she got along better with Emily. Bella wasn't sure why but she thought that she could attribute her maturity not to basically raising her own mother but having been ensconced in the Cullen's mannerisms for so long. It changed her out look on life, and really opened her eyes.

They arrived at SilverStone, the breeder came out to the gate to help the girls get in. They went into a beautiful acreage, the sun was hidden but the rain had stayed away so that was a small victory. "Bella it's great to see you today, how's that old man of yours doing?" Anthony Coleman the breeder asked. It was always so awkward talking to friends of your parents that you didn't really know.

"He's great, up in Canada getting their fish with Billy and Harry. This is going to be a bit of a surprise for him if you don't mind keeping the secret. Oh this is my friend and ride Emily" Bella hoped that Anthony would be willing to keep the secret.

"A grand surprise for the old geezer!" He laughed in his slightly Scottish accent. "Follow me ladies and I'll take you to the pups." He lead them past the fenced off area where the adult dogs were relaxing on this semi half decent day towards a different fenced off area where you could hear the yips of playing puppies.

"They sound like Embry and Jared" Emily whispered in her ear and they both shared a small laugh.

Inside the little fenced area were the most adorable black and brown puppies, all floppy ears and big eyes that jumped around their feet. There were three girls Anthony said and four boys for her to choose from. Bella couldn't decide, looking at all of them she noticed a separate small puppy pen. Walking over she saw a grey puppy that kind of looked like the others; she wondered why this little guy wasn't playing with the rest of them.

"Found this poor little fellow in the woods yesterday evening," Anthony stepped up beside her. "Crying beside his mother who had been shot by a poacher, a beautiful lass. I scared away the poacher but it had been too late to save her. He's been heartbroken being away from her, won't take to any of the German mums and won't socialize with the other rascals either."

Bella felt her heart break for this wolf. "Is he a Grey Wolf?"

"Sure is Bells, I contacted the animal control and asked if there were any packs spotted in the area that he may belong too, but he and his mum have been the first ones spotted in months." Antony looked just as sad as Bella felt; and Bella realized something, this wolf puppy made her feel something. She stepped into the pen, looking at Anthony for a confirmation nod that this was okay. She sad down on the opposite side of the pen from the little wolf and made eye contact with him, he didn't make a sound, only looked at her as she looked at him.

They sat like that awhile in their staring contest; Bella heard Emily approach and Anthony explain to her about the pup. The little guy had started to do an army crawl to Bella growling the whole time as if to see if he could scare her off. He didn't. She smiled and held out a hand for him to smell, he nipped at it and then gave it a brief lick before shocking everyone and jumping on her lap. Bella hugged him laughing, her real laugh, she felt for this dog and that was enough for her to ask Anthony "How much do you want for him?"

"Bella wolves aren't pets you know this, but I haven't seen him that happy before. Tell you what let my call the authorities and see what needs to be done to allow this, I refuse to have any creature die on me of a broken heart." He turned towards the large house to grab a phone.

"Bella are you sure?" Emily tentatively asked.

"Emily look at him, how could I leave him if I'm the only one he will respond to?" And he the only thing she could respond to. They were made for each other. She now knew what it meant to have your soul connected to something.

"Your right, of course. It would be cruel to take you away from him, you know the pack is going to have a field day with this right?" The girls shared another smile knowing that this wolf may have lost its mother but will have gained a pack. Well a pack of idiots but a pack nonetheless.

Anthony came back saying that Bella had the go ahead to take the pup home provided that she got him tagged, and well taken care of, and did not neuter him as he was part of an endangered species. She knew that the only reason they were allowing her to do this was because of whom her father was but she didn't care. She had her own wolf, and his name was Ryker.

"Why Ryker? Anthony asked and he gave her a ton of paper work and explained what she needed to do to have him registered as a domestic wolf.

"It means strong power in Danish and he is going to be a powerful little pup winning the hearts of all my friends on the reservation." She smiled at Ryker who was napping in her lap his blue collar going nicely with his classic Grey Wolf colouring. The collar was way too big on his six-week-old body but it looked adorable in a kind of comical way. It would fit him properly soon enough.

"That's good you are bringing him down there, those people have a strong respect for the wolves. Can't think of a better place really, just let the council know you are bringing him down there okay? This is a wild creature Bella please do remember that and please do keep in touch."

* * *

**Hey people who read these!**

** She got a puppy! And before I get yelled at for her getting a wolf being totally cliché let me tell you something. Grey Wolves are my favorite animal so I don't care. And now for some Wolf reminders they are endangered and do have rescue centers all over the world so if you do happen across one that is injured or a lone puppy call animal rescue and a vet. They are not pets and the only reason Bella can take him is A. because this is fiction and B. because she is bringing it home to other wolves. But please note WOLVES ARE NOT PETS. No matter how much we wish they were. **

** Also thank you for all the love guys seriously feeling happy about how this is going :D**

**I won't see you and you won't see me but I look forward to reading your thoughts!**

** Ty **


	5. Chapter 5

No wolf wants to be alone, this thought past through Bella's on the way from Silverstone to Emily's with Ry curled up on her lap. Ryker hadn't really taken to Emily, but wolves were very timid creatures to begin with so Emily didn't seem to be too hurt. Bella still couldn't believe he was hers, that he had trusted her. She had had to do a report on an animal when she was younger and had chosen wolves because she thought they were amazing, so totally loyal and independent while still being dependent on their pack. Those were qualities Bella hoped that one day she could emulate.

They had driven almost the entire hour and a half without a phone call from Sam fretting over them, they were just entering the reservation borders when Emily's phone rang and she rolled her eyes at Bella while answering. "Hello?"

"Emily where are you? Grocery shopping does not take this long." Sam stated with not a little amount of worry in his voice.

"Everything is fine dear," she said with only a small amount of good-natured exasperation in her tone. "We'll be there in 10 minutes, Bella has a surprise for everyone." She shot the sleeping Ry a smile. As he was only six weeks old they had had to stop to get some proper milk to feed him along with some deer meat from the butcher and a pig ear as a treat.

"A surprise? Well alright then we'll see you girls soon." Sam sounded confused but satisfied that they would be home soon. He didn't like his pack separated for too long Emily explained.

The phone had woken up Ryker and he whimpered a little bit until Bella picked him up and he nuzzled her neck like he would have his mother. He smelled of nature still and Bella didn't want to bath him just yet because this was who he was. He was a wolf and he should be treated as such, even if she was going to pamper and train him to the best of her abilities.

"I cannot get over how taken he is with you Bella, it's incredible." Emily said for the third time.

"I know! He is just so little and helpless that you can't help but like him. Look at his eyes too they are such an amazing mixture of gold and blue. I wonder when they fully set which will dominate." Ry had fallen back to sleep at the sound of their voices after his cuddle. He probably would not be too happy to be woken up when they got to Sam's house but if luck was on their side only Sam would be there.

"I have a feeling he is going to be a very important member of our pack." Emily smiled.

They arrived at her house and Sam was waiting for them on the front porch. He went and grabbed the baking stuff from the bed of the truck with a grin and a wave to the girls. Ryker's stuff was at Bella's feet so that the surprise wouldn't be given away too soon.

"Wake up little wolf" Bella cooed gently jostling Ry. Emily went around and grabbed Sam as Bella opened her door and hopped out being careful with her puppy, remembering that puppies were as fragile at babies because that's what they were. Ryker looked up at Bella and tired to nuzzle into her arms some more while yawning, clearly not wanting to wake up yet.

Emily dragged Sam out of the house and down the front steps, before Sam even acknowledged Bella he sniffed. "Do I smell wolf?" he muttered to himself looking confused. The girls shared a hard laugh at his expense.

"Sam I'd like you to meet Ryker, my new pup." Bella said with the smile that had been plastered on her face since she got him.

"You bought a wolf? Is that even legal?" Sam asked approaching Bella.

"He was more of a rescue, his mom was murdered last night by poachers and the German Shepherd breeder found them and saved this little guy. I figured I knew actual wolves so it shouldn't be too hard training this little guy." At the sound of Sam's male voice Ryker lifted his head and looked at Sam, then immediately shied into Bella.

"Well he sure is a cute pup" Sam exclaimed cautiously stepping closer to Bella as to not scare the little wolf any further. Ryker was watching Sam emitting his puppy growls as Sam got a little too close.

"Sam he doesn't really like people other than Bella, maybe lets bring him inside and let him explore a bit and get comfortable before playing with him." Emily explained and suggested.

They went into the house and Ryker instead of running around or playing with them just went onto the couch and slept leaving them to talk.

Everything was good; Sam agreed that the pack would be taken with their littlest member with only one wild card. Paul. But he had yet to show his less than ugly face so that was good. While they waited for the inevitable pack gathering at Sam's house he and Emily filled Bella in on as much as possible. They covered a lot of ground without the other boys being there to interrupt, she reheard the legends in abbreviated forms and heard Sam's accounts on pack mind, imprinting, why they were what they were, and vampires. They told her that since the Cullen's disappeared that the gene stopped acting up, just in time to momentarily save Quil, Jacob, and who ever else might have changed from this life as a protector. Bella now knew not to bring Jake up around Embry, it must have been rough losing your best friends and making them hate you so that you could protect them. She wished that she could feel bad for him but she still couldn't feel.

The wanting to feel something was worse than the numbness, it was just another painstakingly obvious reason as to why she wasn't normal. She tried to think of all the emotions she'd ever felt but she knew that she was forgetting some. It was the small fleeting emotions that she missed the most, because those were the ones she forgot about, couldn't remind herself that she should be feeling them. Like she could remember when she should be sad or happy or angry but how could she remember every time she should feel little things like confusion, or embarrassment, or adoration. She'd been confused and embarrassed but never really felt it, or the heart aching beauty that came from a certain song or reading a great quote for the first time. The little moments that made up life were passing her by, it wasn't because she was single it was because she had been alone and now that she had a 'group' she was still new. There wasn't anyone she would give knowing glances to because of an inside joke or some shared knowledge. But that at least would come with time.

She couldn't even feel the ache of missing something; it was all a mental knowing that she should be doing something, like she knows she misses it even if she couldn't feel the longing. She'd say it was maddening but she couldn't feel it.

Noticing that she had left the conversation Emily pulled her from her thoughts to ask if Bella had any questions about the werewolves. But she didn't they had pretty much covered everything important, she was sure that when the time came she would but right now she was content. She didn't know why they wanted her around but something told her that wasn't an appropriate question to ask so she didn't.

* * *

The afternoon went by pleasantly after their talk, Ryker had warmed up a little bit to Sam while Sam took a load off in the living room playing Mario Cart. The girls could hear him swearing and asking Ryker if he saw what that bastard Toad did to him, once when Bella had looked in from the kitchen she saw Ryker sitting on the couch beside Sam with his head cocked to the side looking at Sam every time he messed up with curiosity.

Bella and Emily had been cooking the order they had to do, Emily had been explaining how it worked cost wise for people, the cupcake tower was 75 dollars over cost because of all the effort that went into the decorating, where as cookies, pies and other small treats were 15-30 over cost because they were easier. It seemed like a fair deal and while Bella was living with Charlie she didn't have a ton of expenses so money wasn't a major issue for her. The companionship would have been payment enough but Emily wanted Bella as her partner and who was she to refuse good money.

They were letting the cupcakes cool while making the icing when the first of the pack came in. Jared and Paul walked in, Jared slightly laughing at something Paul had said when they both froze looking Ryker on the couch with a pissed off Same, apparently Toad was still giving him trouble on rainbow road. Upon seeing the new people Ryker growled and ran to the kitchen to hide with Bella, she picked him up and he tried to climb around her neck. Holding the squirming pup she walked into the living room. "The fuck is that?" Paul asked flopping on the couch beside Sam swiping the controller as he did so.

"That is Ryker, the wolf pup Bella rescued." Sam said watching Paul beat the race.

"Cool I want one!" Jared said walking towards Bella hands extended so he could hold Ryker. The pup just growled and bit at his hands clearly wanting nothing to do with Jared. Looking dejected he went back to the couch and grabbed two other remotes tossing one to Sam.

"The fuck would she want with a wolf?" Paul muttered under his breath, everyone just ignored the comment. Ryker had calmed down enough so that Bella could set him down on the floor again, she went to the kitchen and grabbed the pigs ear and gave it to Ryker in hopes that it would calm him down some more.

Ryker grabbed the ear and ran around the living room in triumph before settling at Paul's feet. Why would he go to the one person who hadn't shown any interest in him? Paul merely looked down and smirked while nudging the little wolf with his toe, Ryker growled at him and covered his pig ear and bit Paul's foot. Paul let out a laugh and went back to the race.

As Emily and Bella went about decorating the cupcakes they could hear the swearing and yelling and occasional bark come from the living room. "Are they always like this?" Bella asked it was such a change from yesterday. She could get used to it.

"Unfortunately, unless they are patrolling or working I don't get any peace here." She smiled as she spoke, clearly not minding the ruckus. "But as Paul would say 'peace is overrated,' I don't agree with him though, peace can be nice."

Bella considered it for a moment; while peace was nice it could also be boring. It was the moments that were un-peaceful or scary and dangerous, out of the norm that inspired hope. And Bella thought that hope was more important than peace.

She noticed the absence of Embry more than she thought she would have, Emily had told her he was patrolling and would be until supper. Then they all would eat together one big happy family and Sam would take the overnight shift. Bella had asked why they patrolled if the Cullen's were gone but Emily said they patrolled more for the nomads than the Cullen's. She had been about to ask if they had killed any nomads but that was another question that probably wasn't appropriate.

Sam ordered takeout saying that Emily and Bella deserved a break from the kitchen. Eavesdropping on the pizza order Bella couldn't help but marvel at the shear amount of food they were getting; salads, pasta, wings, and of course pizza were all on the menu for the evening. They had decided to put Mario Cart away after two of the controllers had been broken in fits of anger, they were going to watch a movie but were waiting to Embry to get there before making the decision.

While they waited Bella played with Ryker who had perked up at her sitting on the floor next to him. She had grabbed a piece of kindling from beside the fireplace and was taunting him with it making him dance around and run in circles. She smiled, this was another moment that she would have like to have her emotions in check, but the only thing she could do was fake till she made it.

What Bella hadn't realized at the time was that Paul was leaning down just behind her watching her play with her wolf; he hadn't realized he was doing it but he was smiling watching the girl and the pup. Emily had taken a quick picture on her phone of the three unlikely pack mates to add to her mantle. Just as quick as the moment had come it was over at the bang of the back door. Embry was there and from his posture something was very very wrong.

"Embry, what happened?" Sam stood up and walking to his pack mate guiding him in to the living room with the others.

"Something has been butchering the animals, something feral. I came across three wolves, a bunch of deer, and a giant grizzly all-dead and ripped apart. They were all left along our borders." Embry's eyes looked distant as he told them what he had seen.

"Was there anything inside of the border? Did you recognize the sent?" Sam asked needing to make sure his people were safe before anyone else.

"No nothing inside only just outside of it, it's like something prevented it from coming in. It wasn't anything I knew, but then again I am the least experienced so maybe you guys would know something more than I would." What could it be? Bella wondered. Not a Vampire, they'd leave a trail of humans not animals. Really anything was possible, especially with her around.

"I'll go check it out." Paul said gruffly, "Probably just a bear or something upset at our scenting. An easy kill." He smirked at the work kill, like it was his favorite thing in the world to do. Bella was reminded of yesterday driving with Sam, God that seemed like ages ago, thinking that he might be a serial killer. Maybe she had picked the wrong pack member to be a murderer.

"You aren't going to kill it!" Bella exclaimed, feeling a sudden rush of aggravation towards Paul. The aggravation lit a fire inside of her, and however briefly she could feel and she was elated and pissed at the same time. He has no right to play God and decide whom to kill.

As if sensing what she was going to say he looked at her with that eerie detachment. " I'll do my job blondie, whatever I have to do to keep this land safe; even if that means killing something. You just worry about that pup there, what's to stop what ever is out there from getting him if I don't do my job, maybe I won't do kill it and instead just let it come for you."

Bella filled with rage. "Did you just threaten Ryker?" She stood up trying to look as formidable as she could. It wasn't much considering Paul was a good foot taller than her but her point was clear enough in her tone.

Paul's ocean eyes narrowed at her. "No sweetheart, I just threatened you."

**Hello peoples!**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter, a little short but it got all the important stuff in there like Ryker, Paul, Mario Cart; you know my priorities. I realize that I didn't really going to detail about the werewolf gene but that is because everyone already knows the story and it isn't worth it to type it all out and either make it my own or get it wrong. **

**I'm so happy with the response you guys have given me **** I love the reviews and look forward to reading more.**

**PEACE OUT HOMIES**

**-Ty**


	6. Chapter 6

Bella left shortly after Paul having Sam drive her home again. The car ride was painfully silent; Bella still upset about Paul threatening Ryker was now concerned that the pack wouldn't want her around anymore because she'd insulted one of their own. But really if he didn't want her to get mad maybe he should take greater care over other beings lives and not threatened her and her wolf.

Sam left Bella at her doorstep with a short goodbye and a see you later. And she was alone again; well maybe not entirely alone she thought looking at the puppy that was resting in her arms. She'd always have Ryker.

She set the puppy on the couch knowing that when Charlie got home Ry wouldn't be allowed on the furniture. She blamed the German Shepherds at the station for that one; they simply just shed too much and Charlie sure wasn't going to have dog hair everywhere. And people thought she was the neat freak.

There was a voicemail on the machine but she was just too drained to check it. It was most likely her mother berating her for not calling enough and how she had to visit and stop being depressed. She wasn't depressed; you had to feel to be depressed. She was standing in the kitchen considering making something to eat but she really wasn't that hungry, Ryker was still sleeping on what was traditionally her spot and she didn't want to wake him up or scare him by turning on the TV so that was out. She didn't even really like television except for her cast of guilty pleasure shows that Charlie let her record for when he wasn't watching one of their 100 sports channels.

The house didn't seem any less empty with Ryker there considering all he seemed to do was sleep but his soft little puppy snores made it easier, she wasn't all alone anymore. She had Ryker and Charlie would be home soon and the pack if they didn't hate her for fighting with Paul. Since Charlie was going to be home that evening Bella thought she should try and make herself semi presentable by showering and maybe rinsing out Ryker. She had read somewhere that people soap was bad for dogs, and she didn't want him losing his scent entirely because that was so important to animals. In her short time with the pack she picked up on the casual way they seemed to smell everything, she imagined it was very similar for real wolves. She couldn't even imagine waking up and not smelling like herself, it would be unnatural.

In the shower Bella was sure to lather herself with her strawberry body wash, the thought that she could not smell like herself was unsettling and she knew that her scent was directly related to this body wash and her blood. In the shower she could hear the phone ring again, probably just Charlie letting her know he was close to home. He wasn't overly verbal in his affections and wasn't around a whole lot but he sure did go out of his way to make her feel loved and safe. Even if it was just letting her know he was close, like he could sense she was drowning in emptiness.

After her shower she threw on her comfy pajama shorts and an oversized hoodie that had FPD on the front in yellow and Forks Police Department scrawled along the back. It had been a gift from her father when she was dating Edward; he thought it would help because she was always cold. He attributed it to poor circulation; little did he know she was essentially dating a Popsicle only less tasty. It really was a thoughtful gift and she would have worn it all the time if Alice had deemed it appropriate, the only reason it hadn't ended up in the trash like the rest of her clothes was that it had been a gift from Charlie and he would have noticed it gone.

Deciding she should really eat something she went back to the kitchen, the first step in being normal was acting normal and it was normal to eat. Bella put a pot on for mac and cheese with little hot dogs cut up into because she was feeling like serious comfort food and she knew Charlie would appreciate it for work tomorrow.

As the water was boiling for the pasta she looked in on her dozing pup, she made a little noise walking toward him and he opened one eye before shifting away so he wasn't looking at her. Someone apparently did not like being disrupted. Rolling her eyes at his antics she went back to the kitchen and opened a can of orange juice wishing for a bit of vodka in it but she knew Charlie would have an aneurism if she drank underage. Looking at the two voicemails she decided she might as well check them and bask in the guilt trip from her mother.

The first message came on and it was Billy letting her know they were on the way back, she could hear Charlie and Harry bickering in the background about when they were going to make their first stop and how three grown men could never road trip in her tiny truck again. Bella was laughing, the message had been sent at around noon and it was now nearing eight so she could expect him home at any minute.

She decided to save the message so that she could mock him about it later; it automatically rolled on to the next. "Bella this is Deputy Andrew from the station, your father has been in an accident."

Bella dropped; she no longer could hear the sound of Andrew or Ryker barking at her feet or the water boiling over or the door opening. There was nothing in this world except pain, she felt her heart shatter and there was nothing holding back her feelings. Her father was in trouble and she hadn't even answered the phone, couldn't even listen to the rest of the message because she knew it was bad.

She could feel it.

She could also feel the warmth of two arms wrap around her and hold her as she sat on the floor. She wasn't sure who it was and to be honest she did not care. Her entire life got turned around, again and she just needed a hug before she could face the world.

"Hey it's going to be okay. You're okay. You will survive this." The deep voice was the first thing to break through, she could feel the vibrations of his words more than she could hear them. Ryker was dancing beside them crying not understanding what happened but knowing that something was wrong with Bella. He tried to jump on her and pry the arms from around her but the man holding her was too stubborn to be swayed by a pup. Not when one of his pack was hurting, not when he could feel the earth shattering pain within her.

Once her sobs had died down he spoke again, "Bella look at me." His deep steady voice was too much to resist. She had known it had been him but refused to believe it, their entire relationship had been 100% anger. But when she looked at his face she could deny it no more. Paul had been the one to help her. To comfort her. To hold her. "Bella we need to listen to the rest of the message." She shook her head. She couldn't hear that her father had died or was hurt or anything. It was childish but as long as she didn't hear the news her father was fine in her mind. She was fine.

Paul was still holding her but one arm reached up and grabbed the phone and brought it beside them. Ryker sniffed at it and barked like he knew that it was the cause of Bella's sadness. "Bella you have too okay, we need to know where he is and what is going on. You need to see your father." His voice wasn't that awful detached voice that he was known for, it was soft yet firm.

He started up that machine and it began the same way, "Bella this is Deputy Andrew from the station, your father has been in an accident. He was driving back from La Push when another driver hit him head on. He was rushed to the Forks Hospital. That's all I know kid but you should get down there. Give me a call if you need a ride."

Bella began sobbing in Paul's chest again her heart torn apart. She still didn't know what was wrong with her dad. She sat there a minute before Paul started dialing on her phone. She barely heard the conversation but it was something about how Jared needed to pick up Ryker and bring the little beast to Emily and not to ask questions and that he'd update them on the situation later.

Bella had no idea what he was doing when he picked her up but was too weak to fight it. Anyways it seemed like he was actually trying to help which was weird. What was he doing here anyways shouldn't he be killing things like he promised. Bella tried to get mad but she couldn't all she could feel was pain and sorrow, which was a step up from nothing. He carried her out of the house and to the woods setting her down before going behind the trees, when he came back he wasn't himself. He was a giant grey wolf. If Bella could have laughed in that moment she supposed she would have for he looked just like a giant Ryker. Bella wrapped her arms around him and clung to his soft grey fur as he stood. After she situated herself he ran to the hospital, he set her down and changed back to the man she knew.

When Bella and Paul entered the hospital all Bella could see was a flurry of police officers and nurses all grabbing for her attention. The only reason they didn't get to her was because Paul made quite an intimidating bodyguard and shoved past everyone so that she could get to the nurses' station. Over all the noise of the ER they couldn't even hear what room Charlie was in and a nurse eventually took pity on them and led them to a different waiting area.

"Well Bella I'll leave you and your boyfriend to wait for the doctor. He will be able to explain Charlie's situation to the two of you and then we can decide how to proceed." Decide how to proceed? Bella couldn't tell if that indicated bad news or good news, and frankly she was still too distraught to bother correcting the nurse in that the man who had his arms around her was not in fact her boyfriend. They sat in the empty waiting area that was reserved for family members; Paul sat across from her switching from watching her and texting on his phone, fortunately the sobbing had stopped but tears streamed silently from her eyes.

"Shit" she muttered, Paul's eyes snapped to hers with a raised eyebrow. Apparently he was back to not talking to her.

"It's nothing, my contact fell out. It's just hard to put back it without a mirror." She held the little clear lens on her finger wishing that they had grabbed her purse which had her emergency glasses in it.

"Sam is on his way here with Billy Black, he grabbed your purse when he and Jared picked up your wolf. Is what you need in there?" Thank god, she really didn't want to put it back in without solution.

"Yes thank you" she hoped that that thank you could be a blanket thank you for everything he did for her today.

Just as they both settled back in to their silence the nurse walked in.

**Hey kittens!**

**WOW it's been awhile, sorry about that real life caught up to me! In that writing break I decided to move to the Rocky Mountains so at least something came out of it. It means more work for me though but hey ces't la vie; although I do give you permission to kick my ass if I do neglect the story again. Lately I have read some AMAZING fanfics that haven't been updated in years and to be honest it kills me every time so I can't do that to you guys.**

**Hope fully things will progress within the biweekly schedule I strive for sometimes more if I'm particularly motivated I'm not begging for reviews but they do help remind me that people are reading this.**

**Sooo that's it I wont see you and you wont see me but we will read each other's words **

**-Ty**


	7. Chapter 7

The nurse walked in and informed the two that Sam had arrived and if Bella wanted him in this room or with the guys from the station. Paul was the one that said to bring him in and Bella only nodded in confirmation. When the nurse left Paul spoke up again. "Are you okay?" She looked at Paul like he was nuts. What kind of question was that? Of course she wasn't okay! Her father was in the hospital. Instead of saying that though she said she was fine. Because that's what you say when someone asks, no one wants to hear about how you can feel your insides tearing apart with the pain you feel or how happy you are that you can feel pain again.

Sam walked in and picked Bella up in to what was possibly the tightest hug of her live, it was nice though it felt like Sam was trying to squeeze her back together. He was murmuring in her ear that everything was going to be okay but how could he know that. Paul had said the same thing but her father could be dying for all she knew. Things were definitely not okay.

Saying things were going to be okay was like telling someone it is always darkest before the dawn and that the bad times make the good times worth living but that's not true. For Bella life sucked and right now all she knew was pain and all she could foresee in her future was pain, what good is false hope and telling her that Charlie would be okay going to help prepare her for if he isn't okay. To give false hope is perhaps the cruelest thing a person could do.

"Sam." Paul interrupted the pair and shook his head at Sam, silently signaling something. Sam let go of her and set her back in her chair. While the two boys whispered with each other looking generally pissed off Bella grabbed her glasses and switched out her contacts thankful for being able to see.

Paul, chattier now his friend was here put his phone to the side; Bella could over hear snippets of their conversation. She could only make out her name, unknown creature, the fuck did you want me to do. all from Paul. It would appear that Sam could actually keep his voice down. Bella remembered the killings in the woods, what could be out there? The fear she felts was unusual and all consuming and she started to panic making the two men across from her cease their talking.

"Bella, calm down."

"I can't that thing is out there. It could hurt you guys, it could hurt Ryker! Do you think it had something to do with this accident?" she was starting to hyperventilate when Paul wrapped his arms around her literally holding her together so she wouldn't fall apart.

"Bella it will be okay, Embry and Jared are out patrolling now and they won't get hurt. Not together. Do you remember how big I was as a wolf? They are almost as big as I am, nothing can kill us. Breathe okay? In and out." He words helped and they stood like that with Sam watching the unlikely pair with curious eyes. Then the nurse walked in for the second time.

"Sorry to interrupt sweetie but your father just woke up, the doctor is in with him now and wants to explain everything to the both of you together." She then turned to the boys "sorry gentlemen but Charlie only requested to see his daughter so you will have to stay here for the time being."

Paul let go of Bella and she followed the nurse down the corridor to a different room as she walked she thought of an Oscar Wilde quote "To live is the rarest thing in the world, most people just exist." She wondered if Charlie would live and if he survived this if what he would be doing would constitute living? She knew she wasn't but hoped to change that and hoped to help Charlie live too. He just had to live.

They stopped in front of a closed door and the nurse told Bella to brace herself. That her father may not look like himself. And then the door opened.

Charlie lay there looking grey, not just his hair but also his skin. His brown eyes were have closed and he was covered in bandages and a cast on his leg and his arm was in a sling.

A doctor Bella had never met before hovered at the end of the bed looking over Charlie's chart. When Charlie saw Bella he tried to sit up and smile but was in too much pain to do anything.

Without turning around the doctor spoke "Ah Bella welcome. Now we can begin. Charlie we did an emergency surgery to stop the bleeding from the glass that entered your abdomen and you do have a broken collarbone and femur. You will be fine but the recovery will be long and hard. Don't try to move around too much and listen to your body while you heal. I will be here through the night and the nurses and I will periodically check on you. Chief we are glad you are alive but sorry you are with us this evening. If you have any questions ask any of the staff. Bella closer to his exit date we will show you how to care for him while he is immobile. Or is there someone else who can help?" The doctor looked at her for the first time and she saw the tell tale sign of golden eyes, backtracking she ran back to the boys in the waiting area. She didn't make it all the way there before an ice-cold arm grabbed her.

"Bella stop. Your father is going to be fine-" the doctor began

"Let go of me vampire or I swear to God I'll scream."

With a shocked look on his face he let go of her arm, "You know? How, never mind doesn't matter. Listen I'm here to help okay, all I want to do is help. If you know I'm a vampire you know I eat animals not people because of my eyes. Listen Ms. Swan my name is Erik Ansell." Bella got a better look of him and saw that he was of Slavic Descent. "This is my card. I want you to call me so we can discuss this in a less open area. I'm going to assume the shape shifters in the waiting area are with you. If you must tell them about me but id appreciate to keep a low profile here. I'll do everything in my power to keep your father alive."

And with that Erik left. And she could breathe again.

* * *

Another fucking vampire, does she tell the pack? She should but maybe not here. This is a disaster. Was Erik the one doing the killings? The pack already said he wasn't the one doing the killings; she was almost back at the waiting area. When she heard Sam's voice.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me right now. What is wrong with you that you would do something like this? Paul I know you're fucked up but this? Not cool. Fix it or I will." So maybe she shouldn't tell them. Walking in both their heads snapped towards her and they growled. What the fuck.

"Bella why do you smell like a vampire?" Sam asked in a low and dangerous voice. Shit she totally did not account for the smell.

"Because I was just talking to a vampire." She said with much more confidence than she felt.

"Why?" Sam asked. Paul was just standing there glaring at her.

"He's my fathers doctor. He wants to meet all of us in a less public place. Sam he seems pretty harmless." She really hoped they wouldn't make a scene.

"Paul if you don't calm the fuck down I will send you outside. Bella if you talk to him again alone without permission I will kill him." Sam was in full alpha mode.

"You can't kill him Sam, and why the fuck do I need your permission to do something you aren't my father."

"I am your alpha. And I can kill whomever the fuck I want princess. You will listen to me or you will not be part of the pack." He was towering over her. She gasped at the threat and ran out of the room ignoring the yelling behind her. She went back to her father's now empty room. She stood at the door for a moment watching him sleep then sat down and held his non-injured hand and wept. Every thing was falling apart. Again.

How was she supposed to survive this, Charlie would be fine but only if he made it through tonight. What if she asked Erik to change him? No she couldn't do that, not to Charlie she couldn't force a life of killing on to a man that devoted his life to protecting people. She agreed with Rosalie, no one should have this life forced upon them.

What was she going to do about the pack? Obviously she couldn't lose them but could she write off Erik. He was obviously here for a reason and could she risk pissing him off when he was the doctor attending her father? She couldn't assume he would hurt Charlie out of spite but she couldn't assume he wouldn't. When will life be normal again? What the fuck is normal? How can she trust the pack if they could so easily dismiss her? Where would she go if Charlie died? Where would she go if she was rejected from everyone she knew again? How could she survive that?

A nurse came in with a blanket for Bella saying that visiting hours were over but to feel free to stay with the Chief as long as she wanted. Which was good cause there is no way in hell she was going back out to Sam and Paul.

She slowly drifted to sleep dreaming about wolves and the forest and rain. It was a light sleep but it was the best sleep she had had in a long while.

When she woke up Erik was observing a sleeping Charlie at an alarming speed. Noticing her wake up he briefly paused. "You're father has developed a fever we need to bring this down or it could cause serious complications. We are doing everything we can." And with that he walked out. Bella wondered what time it was, how long she had spent sleeping instead of being with her father.

She sat there watching Charlie all grey and cold, while she was sleeping they put him on a machine to help his breathing, she remembered how alone and empty she had felt and wondered how her father must be feeling. She had heard that sometimes people could hear you if they were in a coma or asleep but that seemed like propaganda to her. Things people say to make it easier to watch someone else suffer. Life isn't easy and neither is suffering, why do people feel compelled to tell lies just so they feel like a more decent person. What a load of absolute bullshit.

She sat there watching Charlie going over the past couple days with the pack and how much Charlie had missed being fishing and how much she had missed being a fucking moron. It hurt, and she was kind of glad that it hurt; because if it hurt it meant it was real, that it mattered, and that she was capable of caring.

There was a knock at the door, Bella turned her head and saw Sam standing there she looked away from him with his harsh words still fresh in her mind. He walked in uninvited and stood behind her. "Bella-" he started but she cut him off.

"Don't. Just don't." she ducked her head so he wouldn't see the tears, which was stupid because he could probably smell them being a werewolf and all but perhaps he would allow her her dignity.

They sat there in the dark hospital room both together yet unspeakably alone.

* * *

Sam put a hand on her shoulder after an hour and looked as if he was about to say something when he was interrupted but the beeping.

Here is the thing about hospitals, there is always beeping. It is annoying but the slow steady beeps meant that everything was stable; to a family member it was a reminder that their loved one was just asleep. That was good beeping.

The beeping that had interrupted Sam was not that. It was rapid and loud and felt like gunshots into Bella's gut. Erik ran in with a plethora of nurses who started to assess what was going on and fix what ever was happening.

Sam grabbed Bella as the beeping continued to shoot at her and she watched her what could be her fathers last moments. The steely heat of Sam's arms kept her from running to her father's side and for that moment she hated Sam. Crying out for her father Erik looked into her eyes for a split second asking the question that he knew the answer to. She would never allow her father to become a vampire.

And with that Bella heard the beep that no one ever wants to hear in the hospital, the long loud echoing noise that could only be turned off by turning off the machine.

"Time of death 05:47" Erik grimly announced not making eye contact with Bella or Sam.

It was over.

Death is cruel Bella thought. Charlie was a cop for Christ sake; he should have died either at a rip old age with grandchildren and a wife beside him or in the line of duty with honor. A car accident are you fucking kidding me? That wasn't how it was supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to die. Erik had said he would be fine, Erik a fucking doctor for god knows how many years had told her Charlie would make it. Sam had held her back from being with her father in his time of need and Paul and the rest of the pack had fucked off.

She couldn't even remember his last words.

Aren't those supposed to mean something?

Why is it the world just keeps spinning when it is falling apart?

She had watched them wheel her father to the morgue so they could find the cause of death, but that didn't matter to her. Not really. He was gone. Erik had tried to talk to her but Sam threatened him away, Bella was still to frozen to thank or yell at Sam.

She just sat there in the room where her father had last existed thinking about her last moments with him and wondering why it all had to end. Why the alternative to death seemed much worse than actually dying and how she could have been so completely and utterly selfish and how she completely wasted the last months she had had with her father.

Sam picked Bella up to take her out of the room so that the nurses could clean it for the next person and that is when Bella unfroze and started to scream.

At the time she had no idea she had been screaming just that she couldn't leave this place, she couldn't walk out of this room and accept that Charlie had died that he wouldn't be bringing home fish or watching the game. That she wouldn't be cooking for him or mocking him and Billy for being old women. She couldn't accept that when she left this hospital she would have actually lost everything this time.

She fought away from Sam and ran into un-expecting but open arms.

* * *

**Hey kittens.**

**So I MOVED. That's been busy but because I'm in a new town I have like no friends so you know what that means…WAY MORE TIME TO WRITE, which is exciting but I also haven't had the god send that is WiFi for ages and to be honest I died a little inside every day I was without it. But now I'm back in a schedule kind of so bare with me cause this is going to be good. I hope. Okay I'm done.**

**That's all from me folks I wont see you and you wont see me but we will read each others words in the forms of authors notes and reviews J**

**-Ty**


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